“A Navy vessel was just 50ft away as pirates kidnapped the British yacht couple. Why didn’t our sailors stop them? Human rights, of course…” The Daily Mail wails as it wrings its hands in disgust.

Bloody human rights eh. Who needs them?

I don’t even know what my human rights are. I just know they’re BAD and they make me ANGRY. I wasn’t angry enough when I read the Daily Mail this morning so I had to look those pesky human rights up and I’m about to have an aneurysm now, I swear. (more…)

LONDON – Man diagnosed with cancer after reading a Daily Wail.

Yesterday, a 62-year-old man was diagnosed with cancer after reading a Daily Wail. Specialists believe that the stress induced by reading scare-mongering stories in the Wail weakened Mr. Fred M^c Spreading’s immune system allowing a tumour to develop in his abdomen almost the size of a cup. (more…)

In order to promote awareness of December, the ‘national December appreciation society’ has announced its new annual event – December awareness week. (more…)